Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
