We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
