in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
