I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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