i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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