he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
