I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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