u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
