I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
