dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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