I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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