R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
