ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
