These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
