There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
