I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
