I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
