I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
