You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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