With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
