i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
