I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
