listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
