Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
