my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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