at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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