He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
