why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
