so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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