just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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