your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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