I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
