apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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