I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
