I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
