I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
