Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
