did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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