that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
