Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what day is it and did you see me today?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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