guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
