I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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