Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
