My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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