It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
