Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
