It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
