Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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