guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you didnt know i had herpes?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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