And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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