i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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