I feel like abortions should bother me more
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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